THE BEST AID FOR A DYING ALLY IS…

A recent study has found, conclusively, that gentle rubbing is still the best medical aid for fallen comrades.

The study, performed by the Durmand Priory, polled ten thousand Tyrians over the past two months who had recently fallen in battle. A control group of one thousand people were left to their own devices and were still in a downed state at the end of the study’s polling period. The other nine thousand were given various doses of food, verbal motivation, rubbing with hands, and potions. All but the gentle caress of a friend or complete stranger proved ineffective.

A minor improvement to the effect of rubbing was seen when mixed with tender words. The next time you attempt to revive an ally, try utilizing the following phrases to speed the healing process:

"I’m here for you"

"There there, just let me touch you"

"Everything’s going to be alright"

"Don’t speak, the rubbing will help"

"You’re very precious to me"

107 notes
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  5. onebigpear reblogged this from orrator and added:
    I take it back … THIS is the best story ever.
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  14. ffxiv-halvaard reblogged this from orrator and added:
    … Slightly creepy.
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  17. dalishmarshmallow reblogged this from svenharel and added:
    You’re very precious to me.
  18. svenharel reblogged this from orrator and added:
    Guys, this is the greatest tumblr ever if you like GW2 okay, go read it right now XD
  19. syverce reblogged this from orrator and added:
    There, there, just let me touch you.
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  22. verdence reblogged this from orrator and added:
    Oh, this old rag again. Really, when are they going to pick up a copy editor? It’s ‘Durmand’. And I’m certain slapping a...