THIS, HE COMMANDS

LIONS ARCH – Zommoros, the djinn trapped in what is commonly referred to as the Mystic Forge, has stated that he will begin returning nothing but bags of animal entrails if work to restore Lion’s Arch does not commence soon. We spoke with Miyani, attendant to Zommoros who passed along the following;

“Big Z isn’t too happy about the locale. We moved him over here when skritt hit the fan, but I assured him that it was temporary and that once Scarlett was taken care of things would start getting done around here. Well, it’s been a couple months and… you know. But Z was all like, ‘I REQUIRE A MORE SCENIC SETTING,’ and, ‘COMMAND THESE PEOPLE TO CLEAN,’ and, ‘TELL THAT GUY TO STOP TRYING TO GIVE ME HIS JENNAH DOLLS,’ so, yeah, he’s a bit grumpy and he might start giving people big bags of deer guts and stuff.”

No word from Ellen Kiel or other members of the Lion’s Arch council on when work might get underway. Rumors are stirring, however, that the sheer magnitude of damage may be the catalyst of a major overhaul to the city’s appearance.

LEAVES IN THE WIND

DRY TOP – Prospect Valley locals are now becoming less and less willing to put up with outsiders. It’s been weeks now, and the Zephyrites show no signs of moving on with their lives. While some tend to the scraps of their fallen floating fortress, others have yet to make it out of the hastily fashioned infirmary. Medics who have yet to give up hope are still on hand, but say the caterwauling of “I Believe I Can Fly” needs to stop before the lot of them is pushed into the quicksand adjacent.

PUBLIC EDUCATION OVERHAUL NOT MAKING THE GRADE

The “No Tyrian Left Behind” legislature has been hit with mass opposition from parents this week. The system changes had the intent of helping along our youth by offering a tiered training regimen with a focus on gated skills training. The hope was that it would ease less advanced students into their trade skills and keep them at level with the rest of their peers.  Instead, the curriculum seems to have kept those who would otherwise excel held back.

The Orrator has attempted to contact lawmakers in charge of this decision, to see if there is any chance of the changed being reverted. We will keep you up to speed of any information.

FINDING A NEW LEASE ON LIFE IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS

Hundreds of young farmers have taken to the unemployment line today. The sudden surge of displacement is said to have been caused by age requirements put in place by the government. The Orrator spoke with Don Stashler, one of the many now without work;

“It’s all so sudden. I just heard about the new laws a week ago. I… I tried to make a little nest egg before it went into effect but it won’t last long. Looks like I’ll have to try out a normal line of work. I hear Krytan Lawncare is hiring…”

We at The Orrator hope they land on their feet.

Or paws. 

CLASSIFIEDS

WANTED: RESEARCHERS

The Asura Krewe accumulating knowledge on the Fractals of the Mists are looking for more researchers to aid us. Pays well and we just added a new jukebox to the lobby! In between research sessions you can dance your cares away. Down at Fractal rock.

NOW HIRING

The Lion Guard is looking to replenish its ranks after the destruction of Lion’s Arch. We need citizens good with a sword as well as a broom.

KRYTAN LAWNCARE IS STILL HIRING

Look, we know that the bushes seem suspicious, but we’re paying very well for more landscapers to help get through our contracts. Full dental!

FA-FA-FA-FA-FASHION

While the economy has allowed for even the most destitute adventurer to look at least “decent” while on the hunt, some say the best looks still come from cultural clothier Yaks Fifth Ave. Critics, on the other hand, are starting to turn away from the brand and citing the lack of change in their lines as the reason for the cold shoulders.

Resident Orrator fashion guardian, Tim Gunnleaf on the subject:

“Look, you can still look good in Yaks. Hell, if you ask me, the poor Charr can only look good in their “culture” line. But it’s time for their designers to stop playing it safe, sweetie. They need to turn up the pizzazz to 11.”

Tim was informed that he should stop referring to me as “sweetie” at which point he pointed out how horrible I looked in “last season’s rags”.

In other news; The Orrator is now hiring a new fashion correspondent.

EVERY LEGION WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD

It’s been twenty years since the last time they stood in front cheering crowds and they want to see thousands of torches held high once more before hanging up their axes and drums for good.

Gears for Fears have announced their farewell concert and, while the hair styles have changed over the years, the Charr new wave band still knows how to belt out the hits. So if you’ve always dreamt of hearing songs like “Head over Paws” or “Sowing the Seeds of War” played live, this will be your last chance.

Don’t be a mouse…mouse… let it all out… at the concert.

BANKING TO BECOME 15% MORE IN YOUR FACE

The Black Lion Savings and Loan, banking arm of the Black Lion Trading Company, will be starting a new campaign next week in an effort to make patrons aware of their loan services. “Out of the 78% of our clients that have never taken out a loan with us, we estimate that 56% of those customers have no idea that we can provide them extra gold at great interest rates,” says Drix Silverfang, Krytan regional accounts manager for the bank.

The “GET MORE GOLD” advertising campaign will be unavoidable to anyone who uses the Black Lion Savings and Loan.

So… everyone.

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